Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend

I like it.

I am totally stoked that Alison is getting a lot of comments from new peeps. Welcome new peeps. It may take a long time to get noticed. It took me over a year before Alison was brave enough to write "boinkity" in a response to something I wrote in her blog. So keep up the good work, and be patient! Only good things can come of that.

It's been proven that holding in farts can be very unhealthy and cause foul breath. You smile could be falsely taken for the grimace one has when trying to release a stubborn stinker. Yes I know your "real smile" and this is not quite it. It's tough for ladies cause everyone knows they don't fart. I watch Red Eye when I know you are going to be on.....otherwise well it's okay I guess. Anyway I could suggest some yoga positions that will help you with your fart release. However Alison here's a prescription I want to give you to take about an hour before you're on Red Eye again. One cup of homestyle Potato salad, two develed eggs, one slice of Ham, (turkey ham will work) , One cup of bush family style baked beans, 1/2 cup of coleslaw, two slices of swiss cheese and lastly one half of a chicken salad sandwich with some onions in the mix. Take this about an hour before Red Eye and I'm convinced your smile (or grimace will improve) I guarantee you will light up the room and your bright sunny disposition will be remembered.

Am I doing this right? Alison, you are my new best friend as I am new to this website. Been watching Red Eye for a long time, been a fan of yours for a long time. But I'm kinda slow when it comes to this internet thingy.

I thought I knew what a potato bug was, but apparently, I didn't. In NY, what we sometimes call "potato bugs", are probably Japanese beetles. But ever eager to learn more about Alison Rosen, I researched them:

"Jerusalem crickets, also called potato bugs, are a group of large, flightless insects of the genus Stenopelmatus. They are native to the western United States and parts of Mexico.

Despite their name, Jerusalem crickets are neither true crickets nor true bugs and they do not prefer potatoes for food. Active only at night, the insects use their strong mandibles to feed primarily on dead organic material but can also eat other insects. Their highly adapted feet are used for burrowing beneath moist soil to feed on decaying root plants and tubers.

Similar to true crickets, each species of Jerusalem cricket produces a different song during mating. This song takes the form of a characteristic drumming in which the insect beats its abdomen against the ground.

No species have wings with a sound-producing structures; moreover, evidently none have structures they could use to hear sound. This contrasts with true crickets and katydids, who use their wings to produce sounds and have hearing organs to sense sounds of others. Jerusalem crickets also seem unable to hiss by forcing air through their spiracles, as some beetles and cockroaches do. Instead, the few Jerusalem crickets that do make sound rub their hind legs against the sides of the abdomen, producing a rasping, hissing noise. This hiss may serve to deter predators rather than to communicate with other crickets. For such purposes, Jerusalem crickets rely on substrate vibrations felt by subgenual organs located in all six of the insect's legs.

As is true for other large, "ugly" arthropods (eg, solfugids), there are a number of folk tales regarding Jerusalem crickets which are simply untrue; first and foremost, they are not venomous. However, they can emit a foul smell and are capable of inflicting a painful bite - but neither is lethal, as some of the tales would suggest. They also do not cry like children, nor rub their legs together to make sounds."

I hope this has been helpful. And that's a wonderful smile.

On a related note, it's not really, this reminds me of a time that I was with my Mom in one of those special stores she was so found of finding. It was near downtown Houston. We went there to get these things called bagels, and corn beef. OMG! The corn beef! Blotting saliva I will continue.

I must have been about 7 or 8 years old when we went there for the first time, Alfred's. Alfred's had all kinds of weird things, one of the weirdest (to my young mind) was the chocolate covered ants, and yes GRASS HOPPERS, there's the connection. I'll have to admit I think it's still weird.

As I stood waiting for my Mom to purchase the corn beef I notice a sort of a commotion going on at the check out. The cashier was talking to an older gray haired gentleman. He was dress in a suit and over coat, which was pretty strange really. He was asking her if he should sign the $100 bill he was trying to pay her with. She agreed. I thought he looked familiar but I couldn't place where I had seen him.

Later I was watching something about the J.F.K assassination and I was finally able to place a name with the face I had seen in the store. The man I had seen was John Connolly, the man that was with J.F.K. on that fateful trip he made in Dallas. John Connolly, the former Governor of Texas.

We never did purchase those chocolate covered ants or grasshoppers, but we did return several times for the bagels and corn beef!

Well Tony, I'm all in favor of eating bugs before they get us first. I wonder if John Connolly ate the bugs.

lol. He was just a man about 2 or 3 times bigger than I, otherwise I may have asked him. All I know he was a big spender, paying with that $100 bill.

Wow, I feel like I'm now an expert in potato bugs or at the very least could convincingly pass as one at a cocktail party! Thanks, Trapp!

I want to be at this party, especially when you start beating your abdomen on the ground! (Some people will do anything for attention!) You can also get rid of predators with the hissing noise.

Or say what a potato bug might say, "Get away from me, you large ugly arthropod!" If only I had a dollar for every time I heard that one.

Anyway, I can see why you left California. Potato bugs are creepy, to say the least!

Perhaps you may want to try thinking of something that would really make you smile when you know the camera is gonna be on you to capture your smile.

You know, like imagine that some handsome guy just paid you a really nice compliment at that moment.

What do you think?

Actually I think in this moment Schulz or Gutfeld said something that cracked me up. This was mid-laugh.