Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend

Things I’m not doing right now

Written by Alison | May 4th, 2009 at 8:09 pm | Comments

I’m currently experiencing a dearth of pith which is a shame really, as I need to turn in some pithy one liners by tomorrow morning. If only I needed to turn in papers on a desk or board games, both of which I can see a lot of from my seat at my mom’s computer.  I could go on about things I see but that would just be procrastinating and I’m if I’m going to procrastinate I’d rather do something I feel passionate about, like saving the kangaroos or having tantric sex. Or having tantric sex with kangaroos who I’ve saved.

Go ahead and judge all you want, but have you tried it? Once you get past the feeling of, “hey, I’m having sex with a kangaroo and it’s lasting a really long time and is that weird,” it’s fairly mind blowing.
Oh, these bruises? No, not from that. They’re from being clumsy and thin-skinned and apparently not knowing where I end and other people and things begin. You think I’m joking but I’ve nearly taken out two people and an end cap at a grocery store on this trip. Everything in California is just closer to me, literally, than in New York. It’s as if I’m on rollerblades and suck at rollerblading only instead I’m on foot and suck at walking/standing.
Did I mention I need to write something remotely clever but I’m not feeling clever? I think I did.
I could text a friend, not to get clever ideas but to pass time, but I refer to my above statements about kangaroo sex and passion. If I’m going to dilly dally I should really be doing something I prefer. Like watching Gossip Girl. My parents are recording it for me though.
Or instead of texting a friend I could call another friend who I’m overdue in contacting. I should really do that. Or text the other friend. Or call another other friend. As a friend, I kind of suck right now. As a person who writes clever things I also am kind of sucking right now. As someone who is sitting near an adorable dog, I’m kicking ass.
Ok, it’s time to attempt the cleverness again. Then it’s kangaroos.

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  • Toddrod

    Alison must be having a grand time in California with family and friends. We are being..... forgotten, but she needs a break in my opinion. See you when you get back Alison!


    Toddrod

  • Anonymous

    eww-wah

  • WFG

    I'd rather watch Sting have tantric sex with a Kangaroo than watch Gossip Girl, but that's me.

  • Joe

    Kangaroo sex ain't all it's cracked up to be. Wallabys are a different matter. They've long been my macropod of choice. The old saying is true - once you go wallaby, you never go back.

  • Ted from Accounting

    I've lost my online girlfriend to a Kangaroo! Not sure my therapist will believe this one!

  • Anonymous

    "I wondered where all the money went. Kristie Alley's grocery savings perhaps."

  • Toddrod

    One thing to consider when having tantric sex with kangaroos is that they have that pouch you can hide in if parents barge in through the door. Wait, do male kangaroos have a pouch?!?! Nevermind, I've done tantric sex in the past, and honestly, all the heavy breathing made me light headed.


    Toddrod

  • Jaqob Jackson

    Silver Lake, IN or Silver Lake, CA?


    Silver Lake, IN is waaaaaay better than Silver Lake, CA. Not even close.

  • Christian

    Its Monday, so being pithy is not required. On Wednesday, sure, then its a requirement to be not only pity, but witty as well.


    And you are far from your Fortress of Solitude in NYC, so your powers weaken as you stay in the sunny expanse that is Cali. Get in some shadows woman!

  • ecgladstone

    I saw a guy riding a segway in Silver Lake this morning.
    Man, those things actually kinda book.

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