Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend

I’m December!

I’m December in the (un)Official 2009 Red Eye calendar! Hooray for me! And thanks to Joe for putting this together even if I’m now going to have to hibernate for 11 months or so.

Did I mention my sister made Tobey calendars? Yes, I think I did.

Also, last night I was choosing between two shirts. One which showed off the not-all-that-ample cleavage and a turtleneck. The turtleneck was more comfortable but the other one was more “hey, look at me!” I decided to just wear the hey look at me shirt but then found out we were going to be watching a band outside for much of the evening so I should dress as warmly as possible. “Oh goody” I said with as much sarcasm dripping from my voice as possible. I considered explaining that this plan sounded about as much fun as sitting on my hand for three hours till I lost all feeling and then slapping myself in the face with it but instead I just decided to change sweaters. In the course of doing so I wrenched in some way that made it so my neck and shoulders are totally stiff and now I’m that person who has to turn my whole upper body to look to the left or the right. “I wish I was seeing you guys on a night when I was more limber,” I announced through gritted teeth. Other things I said: “I’m so cold and stiff I can’t hear,” (it makes no sense and yet it was happening) and also, “Sorry I’m so cranky and whiny.” I wasn’t really sorry though. Due the limited mobility I wasn’t able to be as smarmy as I wished when someone I haven’t seen in forever told me he’d seen me on an Adam Sandler special. I couldn’t even nod arrogantly. I love nodding arrogantly!

Also, I was introduced to a guy who patted down and then blew on my coat sleeves. The explanation? “He’s really drunk.” It was strange though because it was almost like he was demonstrating some kind of tailoring prowess. I don’t care if he’s a lush, if I need something hemmed I’m tracking him down.