Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend

What was that? did I hear you say "encore." I'm kidding of course. I'm gonna do one more failed attempt at a comedy "bit" then I need to get back to my day job which is cleaning out my refrigerator and scrubbing my toilet. Seems as if my tenant the Tidy Bowl man has some complaints. First of all, this is a conversation that I had in my head last night when I was eating at an upscale restaurant, Long John's Silver's© It was inspired from Ali's post of her having a marriage proposal conversation. Anyhoo.
Hostess: Hi, I'm Heather and I'll be your server.

Me: Hi Heather, let's get things straight right off the bat. My intentions are to leave you a 15% tip. So don't act like you really give a rat's ass about how my day was or how I'm doing.

Hostess: Of course master, I'm only hear to please you.

Me: Just keep my tea glass full, and show a little cleavage.

Hostess: Would you like a back rub?

Me: Of course I do. Chop! Chop!



It wasn't a very lengthy conversation. In my head it lasted like maybe a minute in real time.

Fin.

Michael.

La. (Home of where that B-52 bomber flew nuclear war heads by here by mistake.)

Okay, so while I was ironing my Dickies© pants. (I'm lying, I don't iron.) I had this brain storm come to me. It's a stretch, but hey, it's fri. and I have nothing else better to do. I have an idea that I want to pitch to some hollywood producers. My plan is to hitch-hike to Cali. and tell them my title for the next reality show. Titled: "I don't necessarily Love New York, but I am rather fond of her, and although she may be a lovely woman, I don't think that we are compatible for a long a term-relationship." Or, I,d,n,l,n,y,b,i,a,r,f,o,h,a,a,s,m,b,a,l,w,i,d,t,t,w,a,c,f,a,l,t,r. Part III, for short. I hope it works, I'm a starving artist. I haven't eaten since 30 min. ago.
Fin.



Michael.

La. (Home of where there is actual RiverBoat gambling.)



P.S. Ali, I hope "your homeless guy." is safe and warm."

I have to say this. Nice job on that word verification thingie Moople. I gotta admit, that made me literally laugh-out-loud. I gotta give you your props on that one.
Fin.



Michael.

La. (Home of where the only celebrity news we care about is when is the next Larry the Cable Guy dvd coming out.)

How rude of me. Here I am going on and on about my needs and wants. I forgot the most important part. Ali is gonna be on Red Eye tonight. I'm sooo looking forward to tonight's show. Seeing as how for the umpteenth time I was unable to secure a date tonight. Have a great show Ali. BRING IT!
Fin.



Michael.

La. (Home of where sometimes we forget our southern hospitality.)



VOTE FOR PEDRO!!!

Useless random thoughts cont. Yesterday I had to two things occur to me that perplexes me to a small degree. First off, It's my understanding that towards the end of the year, I will be promoted to a new demographic. The perplexing part about it is, I don't know what I'm supposed to do about this. Am I supposed to look/act differently. Am I supposed to wear my hair a different way. I'm just clueless. This is alot of pressure.


Secondly, and probably the scariest one of all is, Apparently, I'm NOT smarter than a 5th grader

Fin.



Michael.

La. (Home of where we put Tony Chacheres seasoning on most everthing, including pourage.)however you spell it. Now I need to go have a cigarette and a waffle. I hate crepes'.



VOTE FOR PEDRO!!

Useless random thoughts cont. This is just a minor irritation type thingie. No, not from that, I have a prescription for that. Anyhoo, I was out and about yesterday and I spotted this bumper sticker that said something along the lines of My child is an Honor Roll student at (whatever school.) My thought was, why didn't my parents have one of me saying, my child is a below average student who is a tremendous disappointment. I suppose the reason why they didn't have that was because it was too wordy.
Fin.



Michael.

La.

A few useless random thoughts from the mind of Mencia. *correction, I meant Michael. First off, I was watching Conan last night, and he had Howie Mandell on there. What was funny was, the first thing they talked about was his O.C.D. or whatever he has. He was in a way glamorizing it. I was able to debunk one thing he said about the personal space thingie. I just wonder if he gets a panic attack when he's doodling the maid/wife. So it must not be that bad. So I guess what was really funny about it, was covered by the Greg-a-logue from last night. Simply put, it was just the I-r-o-n-y that was funny. I guess you had to be there.
Fin.



Michael.

La.

Quote of the day:




"Did you ask Harvey Keital if he's the wolf ?????......"







Jeffrey Dahmer, Killville

I hope Mr. Bad Lieutenant behaved himself and kept his clothes on!
Chris M.

(The word verification thing below is taunting me: "mf lzy"). I'm going to work out right now!

One more comment for the day for me, then I shall retire to my normal routine of vegging.
I'd like to send a shout out to Greg, feel better. Also, in closing, your humor is definately appreciated down here in the south.

Fin.



Michael.

La. (home of where stinkbait is a welcome auroma.)



VOTE FOR PEDRO!!

Well, I'm not sure that it was really quiting...I got tired of sitting in classes at this stage of my life...I'm kind of waiting for a certain university to offer the same program online without a residency requirement. Until then I'm going to attend the Alison Rosen Blog Academy. The price is right and I'll probably learn just as much!


Just think Bro...300 Million Americans and Alison gets stuck with us! LOL



See your humor is right on track with hers whereas mine seems a bit immature, dumbed down and unpolished! I look to you as the resident expert on the Alison Rosen blog...try not to let me fail on the next game!



The do unto others comment is right on...I read Julia Allison's blog and she is like really emotional right now...I really feel bad for making those mini-jokes on this blog at her expense...I'm going to rewrite the Red Eye Fight / Melee script and just say it was a draw!



Thanks for providing a great blog Alison! :)



It's Ted time...I mean Miller time!

Man, my buzz Ted on that phd answer I chose. I think I read it too fast and mis-read it. I don't think you're the type to quit anything. Also, that was an interesting thing you pulled up about the arrogant thingie. It's my opinion (emphasis on my.) that it could pretty much be condensed into one simple thing: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I'm not trying to be a fuddy duddy, that's just how I roll.
Fin.



Michael.

La. (home of County Market, where it's displayed in rap videos.) Yes, I'm caucasion. I just happen to enjoy rap.

What's not to enjoy! It must be a pretty cool job to interview celebs. Your living the life Alison! Harvey has played some intimidating roles over the years...I wonder if he comes across that way in person.

I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but is there somewhere to see/read the interview? (I promise I'm not being sarcastic.) I'm really interested in seeing the interview. If possible of course.
Fin.



Michael.

La. (Home of jambalaya, but I prefer goolash!)